The end of lifes journey

I have been thinking quite a bit lately about the end of lifes journey. Not because I want to die but because again Carolyn and I are faced with knowing that her dad is not long from this event. Several weeks ago Pop was a man working, driving and caring for himself and then it hit. Two heart attacks, lung problems, pneumonia .....  It has left a healthy man nothing but the shell of who he was.

Pop is home with us now and has been for a few weeks. He is under hospis care, but Carolyn and I care for him 24/7. We count it a great honor and priviledge to do this for him and would have it no other way. Right now nothing else matters but to take care of Pop.

However knowing that soon more than likely Pop will pass away, it has caused me to reflect on other deaths that I have experieced in the last fiew years. It seems that every family member that has died, had died in different ways. Each death brought out emotions in me and affected me differently. I want to just share a few of those with you.

Several years ago my father Donald Bale died. For reasons that do not seem important today I did not speak to my dad for the 2 years prior to his death. Its two years that I will never get back. I preached his funeral but it took another two years for me to finally cry over him. Not because I did not love him but because I did not seem to have tears. My dad lead me to the Lord when I was 17 just 6 months after I met him. In the end my dad left me with a gift that is and will always be the greatest gift I have ever received. Knowing Jesus Christ.

October 31, 2007 my brother Joey Kay at just 36 years old was found dead in his apartment. We had just brought him out from California about 2 months before to live in Wichita. He died alone. I went thru every emotion of guilt thinking what could I have done different for him to make his life better. I cried and cried for Joey. Although I could not make his life better when he was alive, he made my life better after he died. I realized that I needed to change my life to be a better brother, father, christian and friend. I have tried to live up to those vows to this day.

November 7, 2008 my brother Daniel began the slope down hill to the end of his life. Dan was a severe alcoholic. He spent his last 14 days of his life in the hospital with his family around him. When he breathed his last at 5:30 am I was holding his hand as God ushered him into the kingdom of heaven. Danny does not have any of the health problems he had on earth or the addictions that robbed him of his life. I was sure sad to see Dan go but he did not die alone and he had Jesus as his Lord. He had peace in his heart and was ready to meet his maker. I know Joey welcomed him into heavens gates.

March 10, 2009 is a day that forever changed our world. It is the day that our beautiful grand daughter Corrine Gracy Myers and her mom Andrea Dawn Myers were brutally murdered. To say that our lives changed forever is an under statement. I often think of that day as the day our lives ended and then some how started again. For the first time I realized that I could not get through that alone. It would take God, family and friends, prayer, tears, more tears to finally even start breathing again without pain. Nothing we had ever gone through prepared us for that experience. Still today it seems impossible.

All of these experiences has really opened my eyes to realize we don't have a promise of tomorrow. Every person is precious in God's sight. I can look at these events that have occured and realized just how much God has used them to mold me into the person that he wants me to be.

I won't say that I am a better person because of these events, but I do know that God has strengthened me and created in me a desire to serve him with a greater passion and focus than ever before. I am no longer afraid of death. I look forward to the day when I can meet my dad, brothers and grand daughter in heaven. Where my tears will be tears of joy and not sadness. Death does not have a grip on me any longer because I long for the hope of God and his place for me.

My perspective has changed, my heart has changed and my life has changed for ever.